I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
