please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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