the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
