I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
