Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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