i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
this hospital has no fireball
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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