Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
