you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
