I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
