For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
