My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
