Where is the hickey?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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