Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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