ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
