A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
