Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
