Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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