Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Jerry, you need to find god
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
