He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
