you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
