I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My life is pants optional.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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