Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
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Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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