My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
