dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
