I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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