i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
