**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
