They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
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First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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