First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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