Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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