i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
