Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
