So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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