On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
the liver wants what the liver wants
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
