i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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