He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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