listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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