Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
