I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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