so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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