I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
