How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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