I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
