I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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