Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
