Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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