I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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