my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
