I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
