i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
