I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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