the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
