It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
