I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
