Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
