chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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