i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
