I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize