There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize