it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
