We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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