Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
